It’s Wednesday, September 30, 2009 and you know the drill!
| Dear Elim,
How can you not care about the 50 million people who don’t have health care insurance? It’s pretty selfish to say “I got mine, so buzz off.” like you do. Surely you can afford a few extra bucks if it helps the helpless. Warmest regards, |
| Hi Tiffany,
Easy. I don’t care about them because it’s not my responsibility to care for them. I take care of me and mineand don’t think it at all unreasonable to expect the same from others. No one has been able to tell me how these people not having insurance affects my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. However, taking money from me to give to them does affect me. But, I’m not completely heartless. If the government can find a way to get insurance for these people without hosing me, then I’m 100% for it. Two Elim Tevir Hand Salutes (see below for coupon) for asking a reasonable question where this debate is concerned. Hugs and kisses, |
| Hi Elim,
We made a new game called “Catfish Roulette.” A plate of crackers is prepared away from the view of the players. All but one cracker is covered with port wine cheese spread. The remaining cracker is loaded with Uncle Charlie’s Blood Catfish Bait. The rule is that you cannot smell or otherwise examine your cracker. Each player takes one cracker from the tray and we all eat at the same time. The winner naturally is everyone who did not get catfish bait. It’s funny in that one guy spewed when he did NOT get the bait cracker, but only thought he did. Anyway, you’re a genius and thanks for all you do to keep people laughing, thinking and trying to get other people to eat catfish bait. Your Loyal Subject, |
| Hi Nelson,
As long as everyone is a willing participant in the game, this is a great idea. It however might be interesting to do the opposite; load up all but one cracker with bait and see what happens. Only don’t tell the players about the change. Four Hand Salutes to you. See coupon below. |
| Hello Elim,
How do you like my goats? Allahu akbahr! |
| Hi SiAmack,
Those are some determined goats. I don’t know a lot about goats, but it may be time to move them to another area to graze. Don’t get arrested, |
| Elim,
Still with the grits. What gives you the right to call random people and annoy them like you do? I can see bugging someone who has annoyed you in some way, but why random people who have done you no harm at all? Sincerely, |
| Hi Sarah,
I never claimed I had any specific right to do this. I do it for a number of reasons. First, I find the human condition to be a major source of amusement. Most people are at their best when they’re just a little confused. It makes them think and use parts of their mind that they don’t use very much. Second, I give them something to talk about. Of all the people I’ve called, I bet that 99% of them talked about the event with at least one other person. Even if it was just to report it to the phone company, they brought another person into the conversation and I think our greatest accomplishments (as a people) occur while we keep talking. Our greatest failures occur when we stop talking. I’m just trying to keep the conversation going. Finally, it’s a karma thing. All day long, I have to answer the phone and talk with all sort of people. Many of them should not have anything more complicated than string, but I have to help them anyway. So by calling strangers (strangers call me) I let the karma slip around me and onto someone who probably needs it more than me. 3 Hand Salutes (see coupon below) for your question. Elim |
That’s it for today. Here’s the coupon for the free Elim Tevir Hand Salutes. Just print out as many as you were awarded (we’re on the honor system here) and present them during your next visit to the IHOP.
The server may act like he/she doesn’t know what you’re talking about, but stand your ground! Ask for the manager if necessary.
Keep ‘em coming! 
In other news, the healthcare debate rages on. California’s other senator, Montana’s Max Baucus managed to get the government-run option whacked from his bill, but like a true jackass, for all the wrong reasons. The liberal douche clubs Progressive Change Campaign Committee and Democracy for America immediately launched a $100K ad campaign saying (among other things) that Max isn’t listening to his constituents.
Well… yeah, he’s not. He didn’t hold a single town hall meeting on it (or any other subject) and pretty much made it clear that his primary interest does not involve the people of Montana. We just got lucky on this in that just about all Montanans oppose a government-run health care business. Even some of my most hugely liberal friends agree that this is a monumentally bad idea. Max voted against it not because it was the right thing to do and not because it was the will of the people of Montana. He voted against it because the bill won’t pass with that in it.
So here’s to doing the right thing for the wrong reason.
One of the reasons given for having a government-run option is that insurance companies care more about profit than people.
Thank you, Captain. Yes, insurance companies WILL raise their rates within seconds of anything that increases their operating costs. That’s what most successful businesses do. The idea of creating a government-run entity to compete (directly or indirectly) with private companies is socialism. No, shut up, it’s socialism. Go ask you high school civics teacher; What form of government advocates public ownership and administration of the means of production and allocation of resources?
Then come back and explain how government-run health insurance is not socialism.
A lot of this depends on whether or not the law gets passed such that citizens are required to purchase insurance. This will generate a lawsuit within seconds of becoming law and will, without question make it all the way to the US Supreme Court. As far as I know, taxes are the only way the government can legally compel a citizen to surrender property (money being property too) without due process. I honestly can’t see how a federal court could let that stand (except the 9th Circuit, who seems to exist only to show the insane side of constitutional law) and it’s even more amazing that the House Judiciary Committee would hack off on it.
And to further prove a complete disconnect from reality, some of these idiots are trying to poke in a provision that provides coverage to people in this country illegally. This will “keep them out or our emergency rooms.”
How’s about we do something to keep ‘em out of our country? That’s a prime example of how solving one problem also solves another. Instead of spending a gazillion dollars trying to keep illegal aliens (AKA: criminals) out of our emergency rooms, let’s spend just a sliver of that and put up a decent fence along our southern border.
Racism, schmacism. We don’t need a big fence along our northern border because not a lot of Canadians are trying to enter our country illegally. Why put fence up where there’s not a problem? We need to seal up the southern border nice and snug. Hop the fence, be shot before you touch US soil. Do that just a couple times and that problem goes away too.
My grandpa used to say “Good fences makes good neighbors.” and I think us and Mexico would be better neighbors with a good high fence along our yards. But if you want to take my tax dollars and give them to people who are in the country illegally, then you’re plain nuts. No, worse than that. You’re stupid and nuts.
That should do it for today. A pretty slow day (customer wise) so we got to be a bit more verbose. I still had to deal with an insurance agent and a realtor, so the day’s not a total victory.
But I’ll take it.