It’s Tuesday, September 29, 2009 and we’re getting unconfirmed reports that “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.”
Better check this out. Set Caller ID to that of A.L Miller of Little Rock, AR and see if we can get to the bottom of this. First, we call a randomly selected Baptist Church.
CHARLES: ***** **** Baptist Church, this is Charles, how can I help you?
A.L: You eat instant grits.
CHARLES: Excuse me?
A.L: Instant grits, you eat ‘em.
CHARLES: I don’t eat grits. I think you have the wrong number.
A.L: Nope. It says right here: ***** **** Baptist Church and next to that it says “eats instant grits!” Got your phone number and everything.
CHARLES: What says that?
A.L: This note I found in my Walmart bag.
CHARLES: You found note in your Walmart bag that says the ***** **** Baptist Church eats instant grits?
A.L: Yessir.
CHARLES: What area code is 501?
A.L: Little Rock, Arkansas.
CHARLES: You’re calling the ***** **** Baptist Church in Billings, Montana.
A.L: Yep. Area code 406.
CHARLES: To tell us to eat instant grits?
A.L: Nope, to tell you you already eat them.
CHARLES: Me, or the whole church?
A.L: I suppose the whole church. The note says “***** **** Baptist Church” then next to that it says “eats instant grits.” and then your phone number.
CHARLES: I wonder what that means.
A.L: It means you eat instant grits.
CHARLES: And you just had to call to complain?
A.L: I ain’t complaining. I’m just telling ya’ what this here note says.
CHARLES: What do you want us to do about it?
A.L: I don’t care.
CHARLES: Okay. Well thanks for calling, I guess.
A.L: You just gonna go on eating instant grits like that?
CHARLES: I guess we will.
A.L: I’m gonna put this note in somebody else’s bag and see what happens.
CHARLES: Okay, you do that.
A.L: I will. Only I’m gonna add to it “Hates okra!”
CHARLES: Who’s Okra?
A.L: Too late!
CLILCK
Had to hang up. I was starting to giggle. The findings remain inconclusive. Set Caller ID to “***** **** Baptist Church and call the Geek Squad:
TRAVIS: Thank you for calling the geek Squad, my name is Travis, how can I help you?
CHARLES: You eat instant grits.
TRAVIS: I’m sorry?
CHARLES: You eat instant grits!
TRAVIS: Who’s calling, please?
CHARLES: This is Charles from ***** **** Baptist Church and you eat instant grits!
TRAVIS: I’m sorry, did you intent to call Geek Squad?
CHARLES: Yes! It says right here on this card “The Geek Squad eats instant grits! Call them at 656-**** and make sure they know.”
TRAVIS: You have that on a card?
CHARLES: Yep. Someone left it on my windshield while I was at the doctor.
TRAVIS: Does the card have anything else on it?
CHARLES: The other side has what looks like the Best Buy logo and a crude drawing of a tractor.
TRAVIS: I see. Can you hold for a minute?
CHARLES: You gonna go get some instant grits to eat while you talk to me?
TRAVIS: No, I’m going to get a manager. Can you hold please?
CHARLES: Don’t you put me on hold!
TRAVIS: I’m sorry, I just have to…
CHARLES: Hey! Hey!
TRAVIS: Yes?
CHARLES: Don’t put me on hold, boy. You eat instant grits!
TRAVIS: Ummmmm… Okay. Thank you. Is there any way I can help you further?
CHARLES: Not if you eat instant grits.
TRAVIS: Okay then. Well you have a nice day then and thank you for calling the Geek Squad.
CHARLES: You eat instant grits.
CLICK
Finally, we have obtained Bill’s new work number down Denver way and left him a voice mail from Arnold. Set caller ID to Best Buy and call.
BILL: Hi, this is Bill ****. It’s the week of September 28th and I will be in and out of the office all week. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
BEEP
ARNOLD: Good morning and look what we have here. Hello, cutie pie. One of us is in deep trouble. Oh, so you know best. You’re a fscking choir boy compared to me! A Choir boy! The will of the people is paramount. So shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Ahahahahahah!
CLICK
Won’t he be delighted to learn that Arnold will be following him to the new gig?
Another short blog today. Another department meeting (hopefully, at least as productive as the last one) followed by training that cannot possibly be less productive than the last one
14 more days to a mini-vacation.
Tomorrow is Reader Mail Day and that always puts me in a good mood.