It’s Wednesday, December 30, 2009 and we peek into Ye Olde In Box again:
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Hello Elim,
We are fine. We live far from the rude and uncivilized behavior you’re no doubt reading about. It is however becoming harder and harder to find a reliable proxy from behind which to view your infidel ranting. Yes, your blog is banned here, but before you get all full of yourself again, there’s few websites here that aren’t banned. Your decadent, imperialist culture can’t be allowed to corrupt the minds of our citizens. Death to… you know the rest. In reading your stories about the Destructor man, I’m reminded of a kid I grew up with who had much the same talent for intensifying disaster. I will tell you some stories when I have more time, but for now know that he is everywhere! Hope you had a fine holiday. Enjoy your New Year celebration with the usual drunken debauchery. Allahu Akbahr! |
Hi SiAmack, I’ll admit to feeling some alarm at the images coming out of your country of late. I’m glad you’re okay. As you say, with so few readers. I have to hope to keep everyone. We had a very nice holiday with lots of love and good cheer. As to the coming New Year celebration, I suppose I could probably manage the drunken part, but I’ve fallen way out of practice on my debauchery. Plus, the wife disapproves of both, so we’ll probably make an early night of it again. I hope the new year brings us all peace and prosperity. Elim |
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Dear Elim,
I took your daughter’s advice and managed to get the tainted perfume swapped out. She suspects nothing! Now I need to find a way to make good use of a set of expensive toiletries. Any hits? Kramer |
Hi Kramer, Not a chance. I’m not touching this with a ten meter cattle prod! Elim |
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Elim,
Loved yesterday’s Story Time! I grew up in a small town in Arkansas and we had the exact same bunch of geezers. Our game was to go by at night and heave all their chairs into the creek. Made ‘em mad as hell. In a small town, you take entertainment where you can. Cheers, |
Hi Chuck, I’ve had a few people (read on) write to say that we were mean to pester these old guys, so I think I should point out that our geezers were a bunch of mean-spririted old men who took considerable joy in calling over some kid, only to criticize him/her in every way they could think of. So even in old age, they too took their entertainment where they found it. Two hand salutes to you. Elim |
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Hey,
That’s uncool to abuse senior citizens like that. I’d hit you with a rock too. Kenny |
Hi Kenny, As I recall, it was the geezers that started it. A cousin of mine came by on a bike once that had cards in the spokes. For some reason, this upset the geezers and they confiscated his cards. My Grampa went back and retrieved the cards and this is how the feud got started. The geezer’s favorite game was to lure some young kid close and then ridicule him/her about all sorts of things. They considered it a win of they made the kid cry. Elim |
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Hi Elim,
You seem to have it in for old people. What gives? Chad |
Hi Chad, Not all old people. Just the ones that go out of their way to be a pain in the ass. There’s lots of old folks I really like and seek their wisdom whenever I can. The old geezers at the gas station were a bunch of mad-at-the-world assholes who made it their mission in life to spread hate and discontent. Elim |
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Hey,
What happened? That stupid healthcare bill passed the senate, yet the Broncos continue to suck! I hate this alternate universe crap. Find us a way out! Johny Pick |
Hi Johny, I’m at a loss to explain it. I guess the Broncos aren’t an accurate signpost for what universe we’re in. I’m open to other suggestions. Elim |
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Greetings,
I notice you didn’t do your usual diatribe about “merry Christmas” and “happy holidays.” Josh |
Hi Josh, To be honest, I hadn’t really noticed a lot of this “happy holidays” and “seasons greetings” crap. Most everyone I communicated with said “Merry Christmas.” Maybe I spent too much time in hiding. Elim |
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Hello,
No, I don’t “go around looking for things to be offended by.” For that, I need look no further than your blog. You’re a pretty good representation of the intolerant redneck, so I read every day to find out what you people are up to. I have tried to reason with you, but rather than debate, you would rather call me nuts and be dismissive. It’s that very attitude that resulted in your people getting voted out of office across the land. You can continue to stand in our way, but you’ll just get ran over. Sarah |
Hi Sarah, I’m an “intolerant redneck” who opposes a ban on same-sex marriage. I’m an “intolerant redneck” who believes that everyone (even crackpots) is entitled to their opinion, just so long as no one tries to force their beliefs on anyone else. So, yeah, I’m the quintessential “intolerant redneck.” If you’ve ever tried to reason with me, I’m sorry to have missed it. Shouting at your computer screen doesn’t count. In your writings to date, all you’ve done is spew cookie-cutter rhetoric and slogans. Perhaps this is rational discussion to you, but to me, it’s just a bunch of hooey. Finally, my people have never been in office that I know of. I’m a staunch conservative, to be for sure, but that in no way means I’m a republican. Try to lighten up just a little and quit trying to find things to gripe about. I don’t mind constructive criticism and rational debate, but arguing with you is like debating one of them “The Farmer Says” toys. I hope you have a better year next year than the one you’re having now. Hugs and kisses, |
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Hi Elim,
Who cares about toucans? I got a lunchbox with a picture of a lunchbox on it! Ken |
Hi Ken, What does it smell like when you light it? Elim |
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Elim,
You should go to and do a review of Enzos. Raphael |
Hi Raphael, I’ve been there a couple of times, but it was many moons ago. If memory serves, the service was slow, the portions small and the prices a bit high. I’ll put them on the list. Elim |
That’s it for this week. Remember, the only way to get free, 100% genuine Elim Tevir hand salutes is by sending your email(s) to: 
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In other news. My wife woke me up at 0400 (as in Oh, it’s 4 o’clock in the @!#*# morning!) to take her mom to the airport. I thought this an odd request in that her mother is nearly 2,000 miles away, on the Texas coast. Did she mean pick her up from the airport? Was she talking in her sleep? I took no chances and rolled back over to attempt recover the dream where the gals in the office are… umm… doing interesting things.
But no. She shakes me awake again, this time pushing me clear out of the bed and onto the floor. She repeated her bizarre order and I knew that in order to get back into the bed, something was going to be taken to the airport. Turns out it was my mother in-law. I don’t know why her visit was so brief or why my wife neglected to tell me about it, but she’s on her way back to Texas now. Come back when you can stay longer.
On the topic of journeys, my neighbor is having a New Years Eve party. Enclosed within the invite was a Google map of instructions for getting from my house to his. This is my next door neighbor.
Either he’s an idiot or he thinks I am. I’m leaning more toward the likelihood that he is because he mailed the invitation instead of just bringing it over or taping it to a rock and throwing it at me as I want to get my paper. Chances are, we’ll pass on the invite, but it damned sure ain’t gonna be from a lack of directions.
This just in from our “Bureau of Who Knew What and When Did They Know It” — We have reports that there was enough intelligence on the Christmas Day Bomber (why they’re calling him this is a mystery: he didn’t bomb anything and his one and only attempt resulted in a crotch fire) to warrant putting him on a No-Fly list. The problem is that our “intelligence” agencies still aren’t playing well together.
I can share the President’s frustration. He’s a pantywaist and the terrorist don’t fear him, but I can sure understand his irritation at learning that we had pretty much all the data necessary to be warned about this, but no one was sharing info, so no one could put the pieces together. I know if I was President, somebody would be out of a job by the end of the week, Probably a lot of somebodys. The trouble is that the chiefs of our main intelligence outfits are political appointees. You’d look pretty dumb, appointing a guy to a job, then whacking him because he wasn’t doing it right.
Which is part of the problem. Being a political appointee means that at least on some level, you have to be beholden to whoever appointed you. It also means that some pretty damned important agencies get all-new bosses every few years. I’m not sure that this is a great idea for at least a couple of these.
I’m thinking the Attorney General should be a lifetime appointment and maybe the head of the CIA. I think we could get around a lot of this inter-agency bullshit if these these guys knew it would take an act of congress to get shed of them.
They’d damned sure be less apt to tell the president what he wants to hear instead of the truth.
Plus, it would make it that much harder for a president to surround himself with complete and unqualified idiots, the way this one has. Some of these idiots are counseling him that we need to get involved in supporting the protesters in Iran.
I’m fairly certain that neither the president or his idiot advisors read The Liquor Talking, but if they did, they’d take my advice and DO NOT get involved in this shit. No, slap that idiot that’s telling you that this is some sort of opportunity to make friends.
We need to treat this like a dead raccoon and leave it to the UN to sort out. I’ve already explained the whys of this in a past blog and I don’t chew my cabbage twice, mister. Having the US get involved IN ANY WAY with these Iranian protestors is a fail/fail situation for us.
Besides Mister President, you’re pretty much clueless. Best keep your yap shut and your hands in your pocket.
And on that note, we’re clear.