It’s Wednesday, January 06, 2010 and we again click our way through the old In Box
| Letter of The Week |
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You Sir are an uninformed jack@$$. Who has no right to be judging our elected officials. We all elected them even if we didn’t vote for them, and need to give them the proper respect to lead and make important decisions that we don’t have the time to make. I voted for whom I did to lead not read. You are a horrible driver to I have pulled your driving record and you have no place to judge other drivers. |
Hi Richie,  Did you honestly think it would take anything more than my most rudimentary skills to run this back to you? Two Swift Kicks. One for you and one for your buddy. Dad |
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Hi Elim, How do you respond when your wife makes something that tastes terrible? My wife made a liver and shrimp pate` for a New Years Eve party that was horrible! When she had me test it, I was immediately convinced that she had gotten me to eat catfish bait. We’ve only been married a few months and her cooking skills take gastric distress to a whole new level. So far, I’ve been able to choke it down, but this pate` garbage was more than I could stand. I immediately spit it out and wretched for the next half hour. She spent the time between then and the party crying. Apparently, this stuff was difficult to prepare and she’d spent several hours making this thoroughly inedible paste. I begged her not to take it, but she said she’d let our friends be the judge. Several of them are readers of your blog and were likewise convinced that they’d eaten catfish bait. Word soon got around and we were asked to leave and take the vile substance with us. It’s been in the fridge since then. Any advice from someone who’s been married since the “before time” is appreciated. Kaleb |
Hi Kaleb, There is but one dish my wife prepares that I can not abide. It’s some kind of casserole comprised of ham, cheese and potatoes. The individual ingredients are all things I like, but she has a way of combining and torturing them into a most vile and disgusting glop. Fortunately, she only prepares this when I have committed a major transgression that she needs to call my attention to, but can only do it in this way. It may be that she finds it easier to rake me over the coals about my error when I am fighting off nausea. I’ll admit that I am probably far more susceptible to suggestion when all I want to do it get away and throw up. Everything else she prepares is marvelous as is evidenced by my ample girth. As with all circumstances of marital discord, I firmly believe that communication is the key. While suggesting that she may have given you catfish bait may be an honest response, it is probably not something that lends itself to the open and honest dialog necessary to work out such things. I would suggest starting with something you like. From a restaurant perhaps. Never, ever, under any circumstances select something your mom prepares. Fail lies in that direction, trust me. Tell her how much you like this dish and suggest that she learn how it’s made. Then off to the bookstore to find a cookbook containing the recipe for that thing. It’s my experience that most bad cooks don’t follow recipes, so make it a team thing. That means assisting with the preparation. Your job here is mostly to ensure that the recipe is rigidly adhered to at every step. Otherwise, go to the Army Surplus store and lay in a supply of field rations to stash and chow upon in secret. Two Hand Salutes that you can use as an excuse to dine out a couple of times. Elim |
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Hello Elim,
I like the prank calls, especially where you use the caller ID from someone you wish to annoy to call and annoy someone else. I would love to hear the conversation when they call back. I hope you won’t do away with these entirely. Butch |
Hi Butch, I’m gonna try to find a way to record the calls so they don’t take up so much space and require a lot of reading. Stay tuned. Elim |
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Hi Elim,
I’d love to hear why you think the economic recovery will unfold the way you describe. I just hope I won’t need a foil hat to read it. Jeff |
Hi Jeff, You’ll just have to wait. If what I’m thinking is true, then no foil hat will be required. It’s gonna get weird, that’s all I can say. Elim |
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Dear Elim,
I guess it’s pointless to argue with you. You’ll take anything I say and twist it to where I look like a mental patient. Yes, I see a therapist once a week, but that’s to help me deal with all the trauma and sadness I see every day. I used to think I could make a difference, but am learning that with some people I just can’t. I read your blog because you have a unique perspective and are often funny, especially when you’re wrong. I think you too believe that people are basically good, but need watching to make sure they do good. Am I wrong here? Sarah |
Hi Sarah, I’m not a therapist, but my advice would be to more carefully select the things you’re gonna care about. It’s okay to care deeply about things, just not all things. We only have a finite amount of mental and emotional energy and it’s wasteful to expend any on things you first can do nothing about and second don’t really concern you. If your therapist is telling you different, you should probably look to get a different one. Yes, I believe that people on the whole are basically good. I think imposing “goodness” upon people is the very height of folly in that people first and foremost want to be free to decide what’s good for themselves. I believe that when necessary, people will rise to the call of what Lincoln called “the better angels of our nature” but this only when under no external obligation. Elim |
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I rolled on the floor laughing about that bobcat thing.
Moar! |
Hi Not Elvis, Thanks. I often wonder what happened to the people in the car and how they reacted to suddenly having an angry, young bobcat in their midst. Elim |
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Yo Goofball!
Interesting take on the terrorist/oil thing. Can I get some syrup to go with all that waffling? Jenny |
Hi Jenny, It’s a complex subject, one that I’ll admit to not understanding fully, but I don’t think I waffled very much. Our strategic interest are what they are and one possible solution would be to simply get our own ballpark to play in. Elim |
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Hey,
On – believers, because he picked up shad and shad as bait, we would be at the bottom and top of soap and decided to hook up. Only 90 minutes from the incoming water, the weather, so we decided to get them. Top 2 in less than a pound blue was a small hook. Bottom hook, a good 14 kilo catfish was one of the catfish. Since the end of June 2003, it was hot the beer really good. Chun |
Hi Chun, Okay, that’s just weird. Chris was telling me that very thing, just this morning. Elim |
That’s it for today’s mail. Remember, the only way to get free, 100% genuine Elim Tevir hand salutes is by sending your email(s) to: 
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In other news, it looks like the dems are hell bent on getting this healthcare “reform” thing under the president’s pen before his State Of The Union address. Instead of the usual procedure by which differences are resolved between House and Senate versions, a closed-door (republicans excluded) thing is being used, steered by the president himself.
So much for transparency, eh? This really comes as no surprise though. Like Global Warming, this thing has become something akin to a religion for the followers of Obama. I’m thinking now that there is no length to which these people won’t go in order to lay this offering at his feet. He prophesied that this would come to pass in his first year as president and having that come true is obviously more important than having a good bill for him to sign.
And more important than finding out how a terrorist got onto a US-bound aircraft with explosives.
I don’t get it. It was by pure, dumb luck that we escaped a second successful terror attack on US soil in 2 months. In case you forgot, there was that business at Fort Hood, back in November. Yeah, that was a terrorist attack too. That’s two, Mister President within 60 days, both on YOUR watch. I’m starting to feel not very safe. Say what you want about Bush, but dammit, we didn’t get attacked twice on his watch.
No, no. Shut up. This thing is fscking broke. Jeeze, you’re gonna strip search Lynette (on the right)
whenever she goes through Denver, but you wouldn’t think to search me? I’ve never been so much as even asked to look inside my bag and I look like a bazillion times more menacing than she does. Maybe they just want to feel her up.
But there’s no real interest, no real urgency over something that very nearly rendered a couple hundred of our citizens dead. Getting the healthcare bill signed before the state of the union? All kinds of urgency for getting a 7,000+ page piece of crap law passed that’ll benefit 22% of us.
But it doesn’t matter. Sure we’ll have to put up with a few more attacks over the next three years. Nothing encourages terrorists quite like… well.. encouraging them. But I’m now convinced that Obama will be a one-term president.
In other news, I’m told that the unceremonious disposal of our regional VP and his #1 henchman has been met with much jubilance over in Salt Lake. My boss’s boss had his office filled with red balloons
I mean how messed up do you have to be in order to have people actually celebrating the fact that you got canned? Look, if I EVER get to be that big a dick, just tell me and I’ll leave all on my own.
He did send us a final farewell, no doubt a jab in the eye to our CEO who no doubt had his corp computer access pulled, from his personal email account.
Yes, I do believe I will have some sport with this. Kevin suggests getting Hat Stomper Dan involved and yes, it is his turn up next in the rotation, but somehow, this more seems like a job for Mary, the mayor of Bellbrook, Oh. Gimme a few days to set it up.
That’s it for today. It’s now -2 outside and thus far, NONE of the ladies I work with will go start my truck.