It’s Tuesday, January 26, 2010 and we again dip into the Destructor Chronicles.
Other than a unique ability to made bad situations worse, another true talent Amn Destructor had was angling. The boy could catch fish. He was the type of guy who could bait a paperclip with shoe polish, dip it into a muddy pothole and pull out a blue marlin. The guy’s ability to catch fish was almost eerie. We enjoyed many a fantastic meal out in the field from him bringing out his catch from the break.
During one tour, he brought out brook trout and (under the watchful eye of our cook) prepared them for us in an almond sauce. Very, very yum. The facility manager sang their (and Amn Destructor’s) praises for the duration of the tour.
The next tour, Amn destructor brings out another batch of fish (walleye this time) but also brings a package containing a dozen frozen brook trout. With the cook’s help, he hides these from the facility manager and plans to sneak them into his bag as he leaves as a secret gift.
On the facility manager’s recovery day (they changed over a day before we did) Amn Destructor manages to get the fish into the facility manager’s bag.
We hear nothing the next day. We recover from the field enjoy our break and post back out. The facility manager goes his whole tour without mentioning Amn Destructor’s gift. He goes in. We go in the next day. Amn Destructor is a little irritated at the ingratitude, but puts it down to the fact that airmen are not supposed to give gifts to NCOs.
The next tour, we arrive and notice a peculiar aroma on site. As the day progresses, the odor starts to become offensive until finally, the crew chief orders a search to determine its source.
The source of the odor is quickly found. It’s coming from an A3 bag, in the foyer. Investigation reveals that the bag belongs to the facility manager.
See, missile field workers typically carry two bags (during the winter months of September – April) one contains your gear and clothing and the other contains your winter gear; parka, snow parts, mukluks, mittens, etc. You pretty much ram all your winter gear into the bag, zip it shut and never open it again until inspection time.
A search of the facility manager’s winter gear bag revealed a once-white package of butcher paper, taped shut and labeled “12 Brookies.” From this wafted the vile odor of fish that had been decaying for more than two weeks. One of the guys tried to pick it up, only to have the package come apart, spilling thoroughly rotten fish into the facility manager’s bag.
Some of the finest gagging, retching and dry-heaving I’ve ever witnessed followed as one by one; we each take up his bag and stagger with it as far as we could, toward the fence. Only by wearing our gas masks and using pool cues, could we extricate the winter gear from the bag and turn the hose on the whole lot. Still using the cues, we hang everything on the fence to dry. Once dry, we poked it all into garbage bags to take to the base laundry.
The odor however remained in the building for many moons and despite several trips to the base laundry, it never quite came out of the facility manager’s gear.
From then on, when someone would compliment on or thank Amn Destructor for the fish, they would add “But don’t sneak any into my bag, please!”
This just in from our Stop! Hammer Time! Desk – Say hello to Susan Maki Schaff: 
And then say goodbye.
Ms Schaff was just sentenced to 12 years at the Montana Women’s Prison, with four years suspended for her 7th DUI. Judge Baugh also ordered this to run consecutively with a 5-year sentence involving a probation violation for her sixth DUI.
Props to the county attorney’s office for prosecuting Ms Schaff and props to the judge for ridding us of an ongoing menace to our safety. Yep, I’m sure it costs a ton of dough but I consider this to be money very well spent. Ms Schaff won’t face a parole board for a little more than three years.
Which should be plenty of time to get her some treatment while we enjoy three years of having one less drunk driver to worry about. Hand Salutes all around for this one.
Speaking of parole boards, I’m just back from Jessica Thompson’s parole hearing. Without going into a lot of detail, she’ll come up for parole again in two more years. The country attorney made a compelling case as to why she was there in the first place and why she should be there longer. I don’t think anyone in the room (Jessica included) could disagree. I went in there thinking, hoping that maybe she should catch a break, but I’m thinking the opposite now.
Continuing our parade of getting it right, police in New Jersey arrested 43 year old Lloyd R. Woodson, of Reston, Va. On a number of weapons charges. Found among his arsenal was a grenade launcher and maps of an undisclosed military installation and a civilian community. Thus far, no terrorist connections have been made, but I’m getting the sense that this guy was up to no good and that it’s quite possible that lives were saved here.
Now, before we go getting all Second Amendment here, I firmly believe in the citizen’s right to keep and bear arms, but I’m having a hard time shoehorning this one in based on my inability to see why a private citizen would need a grenade launcher or would need to alter the serial numbers on their weapons. Terrorist or not, this is the kind of guy who gives law-abiding, armed citizens a bad rap. I have little difficulty in making a case for the private ownership of so-called “assault weapons” but I doubt that private possession of grenade launchers was what the founding fathers had in mind.
Still, there are those that will chime in, calling for tougher gun laws. Which would make sense if the bad guys were to obey them as well. Trouble is, tougher gun laws only serve to keep weapons away from people who already obey the law. What’s needed is tougher penalties for those who violate existing gun laws. I don’t for a second thing that tougher penalties serve as a deterrent for crime, but they do serve the purpose of getting bad guys off the streets. Yeah, it’s expensive but I again see this as money well spent.
Speaking of money well spent, get ready for another numeric magic trick.
Hoping to quench a little anger over government spending, the Obama administration announced a 3-year plan to freeze some federal spending. This plan will save an estimated $15 billion the first year and over $250 billion over the three years.
Sounds pretty good, huh? Okay, consider that just this year’s deficit is expected to hit $1.3 trillion. Here’s 1.3 trillion:
1,300,000,000,000
Here’s 15 billion:
15,000,000,000
Math time:
1,300,000,000,000
- 15,000,000,000
_______________
1,285,000,000,000
Don’t get me wrong, $15 billion dollars is a lot of dough. More than I can imagine and cutting spending is a good, good thing. But please don’t stand there and expect me to be impressed with a 1.1% (somebody check my math) reduction in the deficit. We didn’t get this far behind overnight and we won’t get caught up overnight, but we damned sure ain’t gonna get caught back up doing it 1.1% at a time.
In other news, we went and checked out the new Sam’s Club this afternoon. Comparing them apples to apples with Costco, there’s some good stuff at good prices at both places. I didn’t see anything there to make me not want to renew my Costco membership. They didn’t have a yelling man, but they do have one thing that sets them out front of Coscto:
Yes! Soft pretzels, hot off the rack and bejeweled with huge, huge grains of salt!
And with that, we are clear. Sorry this was late. After getting back from Sam’s Club, I availed myself of an opportunity for a well-deserved naps. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for Reader Mail Day. There’s still time to get your two cents in by sending your email to 
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