It’s Friday, July 31, 2009 and it’s a most agreeable 73.8 degrees in my office this morning. I would much prefer it to be a pleasant 65 degrees, but 73 is within my comfort zone.
The day has hope, even though I started it in a near rage.
I don’t like Bill Maher. I’ve always thought of him as a dim-witted douchebag who always goes for the cheep laugh instead of rational discussion. I first saw him many moons ago when I was channel flipping, looking for something more interesting than the History Channel’s “History of Buckets.”
He was on some discussion panel where they were talking about gun control. The other panelist gave thoughtful, well-reasoned discussion and even where I disagreed with them, they came off as rational, thinking people. Then it was Bills’ turn. His contribution to the discussion was a surmising of the possibility that owning a gun is a substitute for a small penis.
I changed the channel and have yet to watch anything with him in it since.
But today, I see a piece where this douchemaster calls America “a stupid country.”
Normally with “entertainers” like this, I’m of a mind that if you don’t like them, don’t listen to them, don’t watch them and don’t buy their stuff. However, calling America a stupid country puts him on the list of people I’ll beat the hell out of if I ever encounter them in public.
Yep, America has made some pretty enormous blunders of late. We’ve elected one doofus twice, then replaced him with a even bigger doofus. We have a boatload of senators and congressmen who somehow think it’s okay to vote on legislation they’ve not even read. It looks like we’ll have a third consecutive quarter of negative GNP and unemployment is expected to hit 10% by Christmas.
We didn’t get these by being rocket scientist, but guess what? We’re a people that learn from our mistakes. America is the hands-down world record holder in innovation, ingenuity and creativity. For a country that’s “stupid” we sure seem to have a lot of people coming here for a better life AND for better health care, but that’s a whole ‘nother kettle o’ fish.
So if we’re a stupid country, mister Maher can tell all his friends how he got the soup beat out of him by an idiot, should our paths ever cross. Yeah, yeah, freedom of speech and all that, but that doesn’t mean you get a right to say whatever you want without consequences.
In other news, Tyler finds a nest of wild brushes.
In other, other news, a 47-year-old father is on trial in Wisconsin for second-degree reckless homicide. His 11 year-old daughter was suffering from an undiagnosed case of diabetes and the father’s “faith” prevented him from seeking medical treatment. She died and he’s now standing trial for it.
Now, I believe that with sufficient faith one can do tremendous things, even all things. Yes, I believe in miracles. I however consider it to be the pinnacle of arrogance to suggest that one’s “faith” is strong enough to compel God. I don’t understand how we could ask for God’s providence, yet demand that it be given in such-and-such a way. Can you pray; “Save my child, but only by miraculous means. Don’t use doctors or medicine, only use divine power.” ?
Not sure about your God, but mine put an abundance of gifts in my way. We’re given intuitive minds and reasoning abilities. We have curiosity and a desire, nay a need for discovery. Every medical or scientific breakthrough is from these gifts. Where do we get the authority to eschew them and demand God prepares a table for us thusly and only thusly? I don’t get it. The father testified that seeking medical help would be “putting the doctor before God.”
How so? Is it heresy to believe that perhaps God put that doctor there? I mean unless God miracles your food into your fridge, you have to go to the store and get it. Are we then putting the grocer before God? No, I believe that there are some things, that while well within His ability to do, God expects us to do for ourselves.
Yeah, better pull off of that. I’ve already given my brother one idea for a sermon to harangue his flock with. Hopefully, he won’t combine it with this one and make it a mini-series.
In other news, I have no idea who these people are or why they sent me this picture, but here ya’ go:
This just in from our “July Is Almost Done Desk” – July is almost done. The summer is flying by and it’s only a matter of days before I’m whining about the snow and sub-zero temps. It’s more than a little amazing that I’ve had zero barbeques this summer. I’ve prepared ribs for the family a couple of times and only one brisket, but we’ve not had anyone over all summer. I’ll have to change this.
It’s been so busy that I’ve completely forgot to punish the guy who led the marathon prayer on Sunday. Yeah, it’s been 5 days, so there’s no chance the guy will know what he’s being punished for, but it’s not entirely about punishment. It’s also about what makes me laugh. Jeff led us in a long-winded, rambling sermon-disguised-as-a-prayer on Sunday and I thought we’d put an end to this. Alas, but this is a job for Arnold. Set caller ID to be Bill’s home phone and it’s Yikes and Away!
JEFF: ****** ******, Jeff ***** speaking .
ARNOLD: Good morning!
JEFF: Bill? Is that you?
ARNOLD: I want to know what’s going on and I want to know right now!
JEFF: Going on with…
ARNOLD: So don’t give me that crap!
JEFF: Who is this?
ARNOLD: Now listen to me very carefully.
JEFF: Uh, okay.
ARNOLD: Where is she?
JEFF: Where is who?
ARNOLD: Sarah Conner.
JEFF: I don’t think…
ARNOLD: I’m a friend of Sarah Conner. I was told that she’s here.
JEFF: I think you have the wrong number.
ARNOLD: And you expect me to believe you?
JEFF: Who is this?
ARNOLD: Douglas Quaid.
JEFF: Douglas…
ARNOLD: That’s right! I am Quaid.
JEFF: Okay Douglas Quaid. Who is it you’re trying to reach?
ARNOLD: She’s a healthy female of breeding age.
JEFF: Huh? Does she work at : ****** ******?
ARNOLD: I’m wasting my time.
JEFF: Excuse me?
ARNOLD: Sarah Conner was cremated in Mexico.
JEFF: What?
ARNOLD: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Stop being such a pussy!
JEFF: Who is this?
ARNOLD: Stop whining!
CLICK
That was fun. I have to wonder if Jeff will know where Capt Kirk’s creature is? Set caller ID to the church building and zoom!
JEFF: Hello? (Much questioning in the voice, no doubt wondering who is calling him at work from the church building)
KIRK: We’re looking for some kind of creature.
JEFF: Excuse me?
KIRK: Some kind of creature.
JEFF: What kind of creature?
KIRK: Do you have a first name?
JEFF: yes, it’s Jeff. Who is…
KIRK: Explain.
JEFF: I’m sorry?
KIRK: We’re looking for some kind of creature.
JEFF: Did you mean to call ****** ******?
KIRK: Yes, you’re quite right.
JEFF: Umm…
KIRK: Answer me!
JEFF: I don’t know what you…
KIRK: A creature without form that feeds on horror and fear.
JEFF: I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.
KIRK: Explain.
JEFF: I’m sorry?
KIRK: We’re looking for some kind of creature.
JEFF: So you called ****** ******?
KIRK: Yes, you’re quite right.
JEFF: Who is this?
KIRK: Mister Cochran.
JEFF: Mister who?
KIRK: Mister Cochran.
JEFF: Okay, who are you calling for?
KIRK: Some kind of creature.
JEFF: This is ****** ******. We refine oil. We don’t sell creatures.
KIRK: Yes, you’re quite right.
JEFF: So have you called the wrong number?
KIRK: Explain.
JEFF: Huh?
KIRK: Answer me!
JEFF: Okay, I’m hanging up now.
KIRK: Explain!
CLICK
This just in from our “Bureau Of Roses By Other Names” – Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano has been given the go-ahead to call it terrorism again. Remember a few months ago, terrorism was called “man-caused disasters” and the war on terrorism was called “overseas contingency operations”? This was supposed to (I guess) make us think that terrorism was over, now that the messiah was president.
On a related note, she’s also been cleared to call them “ham sandwiches” again instead of “ Mister Coo Coo Choo.” This should make ordering lunch a much smoother process. Shovels will also now again be called that instead of “Chawed Foo Moofers.” Shitferbrains will again be the approved nickname for the Secretary of Homeland Security.
In other news, my phone has voice commands. I like to mess with it by telling it to “yash mofins clab koosh!” Yelling that at it makes it tell me the date and time. If I mutter into it “Miffle shalp mieder shlipks!” it dials my voice mail. If I tell it to “Cangle shupe nools gauffer scobs!” it turns off.
The weekend looms before us. This week has been a sucky one. I hate being hot when I don’t have to be. I can work outside in 90 degree heat and not be bothered, but sitting at a desk with sweat rolling off my sweat makes me low down, ornery and mean. Maybe there’s a lesson here in that I don’t complain about something unless it REALLY bothers me. That’s why I usually don’t go to the doctor until forced there by a third party. Much I will abide in silence, so when I complain, best take heed.
And we end day with a quite pleasant 73.4 degrees in my office.
Now that’s what I call management!
Safe and happy weekend to all. Tune in Monday for our latest installment of “Super Secret Drama Club.”
