It’s Friday, October 30, 2009 and despite being sick for most of it, this has been a pretty good week.
First, little Lucy is home for a while and is enjoying the loving embrace of her family. Praise be to God for this gift.
And we welcome into this world, Lynette’s first grandchild. Praise be to God for this gift.
And today is my eldest child’s 28th birthday. Praise be to God for this gift.
So in between coughing fits, I’ve done quite a bit of rejoicing.
But It’s Friday and that means:
Our panel has decided that we need to find out the average response to receiving a phone call where the caller only says “Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!” Which we all know is German for “He make the barking of dogs!”
Call 1:
STATE: Kansas
CITY: Salina
BUSINESS NAME: Popeye’s Fried Chicken
CALLING CALLER ID: WalMart Super Center in Bellbrook, OH.
TARA: Popeye’s, this is Tara.
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
TARA: Excuse me?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
TARA: I can’t understand you, can you speak up?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!!! (yelling)
TARA: We don’t have any of that.
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
CLICK
Call 2:
STATE: Michigan
CITY: Detroit
BUSINESS NAME: Medical Billing Services
CALLING CALLER ID: Popeye’s in Salina, KS
TINA: Medical Billing Services, this is Tina. How can I direct your call?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
TINA: Huh?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
TINA: Hello?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
TINA: Are you speaking German?
ME: Ja. Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
TINA: I don’t speak German, I’m sorry. I speak Spanish?
ME: Se hacen los ladridos de los perros!
TINA: Someone became a barking dog?
ME: Tell me the 6th Guard’s Order!
TINA: Huh?
CLICK
I had to hang up from laughing so hard. “Someone became the barking dog?”
Science is hard! Now I can’t call anyone else without laughing my ass off.
Okay. Back from Lunch. General Tso may have been a bloodthirsty barbarian, but he sure knew how to fix up some yard bird.
Resuming our research…
STATE: Nebraska
CITY: Elkhorn
BUSINESS NAME: City Of Elkhorn
CALLING CALLER ID: Medical Billing Services in Detriot, MI
MARILYNN: City if Elkhorn, my name is Marilynn. How may I direct your call?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
MARILYNN: Pardon me?
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
MARILYNN: I don’t understand your language, sir.
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
MARILYNN: Yes, I know that’s what you said, but I can’t understand it no matter how many times you say it.
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!!!!
MARILYNN: Yelling doesn’t help!
ME: Er macht das Gebell der Hunde!
MARILYNN: Okay, I’m hanging up now. Have a nice day.
CLICK
STATE: Ohio
CITY: Bellbrook
BUSINESS NAME: City Of BellBrook
CALLING CALLER ID: City of Elkhorn, Nebraska
ROSA: Bellbrook, this is Rosa.
ME: These taters is spiled!
ROSA: I’m sorry?
ME: These here taters is spiled!
ROSA: “Spiled?” What does that mean?
ME: You might say “spoled.”
ROSA: You mean “spoiled?”
ME: Yeah spiled.
ROSA: What potatoes are you talk about, sir?
ME: These here ones.
ROSA: Where did you get them?
ME: Found ‘em in a sack by the road.
ROSA: And you called here because of what?
ME: They’s a note here says “If’n these here taters is spiled, call (937) 848-*** and tell them about it.
ROSA: You’re calling from Nebraska?
ME: Yep.
ROSA: You found spoiled potatoes in Nebraska with a note telling you to call the administration offices of Bellbrook, Ohio?
ME: No idear. Is that who I called?
ROSA: yes, that’s who.
ME: These taters is spiled!
ROSA: Okay, then don’t eat them.
ME: What am I supposed to do with ‘em them?
ROSA: I’m not sure.
ME: These taters is spiled!
ROSA: I believe you sir. I’m not sure what you want me to do about it.
ME: How am I supposed to know? I’m just doing what this here note says.
ROSA: Okay, I’ll mark you down. Throw away the note and leave the sack where you found it.
ME: I found it a hundred miles back down the road!
ROSA: Oh, then just leave it there.
ME: In my mom’s kitchen? What the hell does she want with 50 pound of spiled taters?
ROSA: Ok, then just toss them out.
ME: When do I get paid?
ROSA: Paid for what?
ME: For calling you.
ROSA: You don’t get paid for that.
ME: I did what your note said.
ROSA: It’s not my note.
ME: It’s got your phone number on it!
ROSA: So? I don’t write on there!
ME: So I’m just outah luck, huh?
ROSA: I guess so. Have a nice day.
ME: It’s night here.
ROSA: It’s 3 in the afternoon here. How can it be dark in Nebraska?
ME: It’s always dark when you get ripped off.
ROSA: Well, have a nice dark.
ME: I’m gonna become the barking dog!
ROSA: Goodbye, sir.
CLICK
Well, that’s it for today. These carefully controlled experiments just take the fight right out of me, but valuable discover is often fraught with pain and suffering.
A pretty temperate weekend is bearing down upon us. Not fast enough for my taste, but it’s not that I’m gonna spend the weekend kicking people in the groin, like some people I know.
Peace and goodwill to all. Have a safe and happy weekend.
