The Liquor Talking

And not a moment too soon.

Okay, it was a so-so year. Not the year of fail 2008 was, but it still had its share of suck. But I’m not doing a “year in review” thing this year. Instead I’m filing 2009 under “Meh.” I am however enthusiastic about 2010. Lots of good stuff coming our way, economically, socially and The Liquor Talkingly.

But first, this douchebag:

This was at the intersection of Main and Alkali Creek Rd. The moron in the tan car is blocking two lanes of traffic so he can turn north onto Main. This might help:

As you can see, this twit is preventing the car eastbound on Alkali Creek and the one westbound from moving until the light changes and he can turn right onto Main. It’s apparent that wherever this bucket of tick turds is going, it’s abundantly more important that where anyone else is going. I was more than half tempted to chase this guy down and demand an explanation.

But I already know the reason. He’s a driver in Billings, Montana. He can’t help it. To date, I have driven in:

• Germany
  
• France
  
• England
  
• Spain
  
• Turkey
  

• Denver
  
• Dallas
  
• San Antonio
  
• Tulsa
  
• Witchita
  
• Oklahoma City
  
• St Louis
  
• Kansas City
  
• Omaha
  
• Albuquerque
  
• Salt Lake City
  

What amazes me is that there’s not more road rage. I know I wanted to hose the doucebag’s car down with my AK47, which is probably the reason I stopped carrying it around.

Not mine, but relevant:

In other news, why are realtors so retarded?

ME: Thank you for blah, blah, blah….
BILL: We got nothing here.
ME: Excuse me?
BILL: Nothing. It’s all down.
ME: This will go much faster if I know who you are.
BILL: Bill.
ME: Of?
BILL: Huh?
ME: Bill of what?
BILL: **** ***** Brokers
ME: Okay, hang on while I…
BILL: It’s all down.
ME: Hang on a sec…
BILL: Nothing, we got nothing.
ME: I’m gonna put you on hold for a minute while I look your account up.
BILL: We have…
ME: Dickhead…. Okay, You’re at **** West ** Street?
BILL: Yes.
ME: Okay when you say “It’s all down.” what does that mean?
BILL: Everything.
ME: You have power?
BILL: Yes.
ME: Your have phones service?
BILL: Yes.
ME: Are your computers ON?
BILL: Yes, but we got nothing.
ME: Bill?
BILL: Yes.

ME: Calm down.
BILL: It’s all down.
ME: What exactly is it that you’re trying to do?
BILL: We got nothing.
ME: Bill?
BILL: Yes?
ME: Did you understand my question?
BILL: We got nothing!
ME: That wasn’t what I asked.
BILL: What do you want to know?
ME: What exactly are you trying to do?
BILL: Everything.
ME: Are you trying to skydive?
BILL: No!
ME: Are you trying to make coffee?
BILL: No!
ME: So you’re not trying to do everything then. What SPECIFICALLY are you trying to do?
BILL: Internet!
ME: Now we’re getting somewhere.
BILL: “Internet Explorer can not display the web page”
ME: Try another website.
BILL: Like what?
ME: Oh, try Google.
BILL: I don’t want Google. I want the Internet!
ME: Google IS the internet.
BILL: Okay, so I got Google.
ME: Your internet is working.
BILL: No, we’re down.
ME: What SPECIFICALLY is down.
BILL: www.blahblahrealtorsareidiots.com
ME: Hang on, let me check…. No, it’s down for me too.
BILL: So what do I do?
ME: Call them.
BILL: What’s their number?
ME: Bill, how would I know that?
BILL: You provide our internet!
ME: Is this a crank call?
BILL: No! I need my internet to work!
ME: Who is this?!
BILL: It’ Bill from **** ***** Brokers!
ME: That’s not what the caller ID says.
BILL: I’m calling from my house.
ME: Do we provide internet service to your house?
BILL: No, we have Bresnan at home.
ME: So, you’re using a Bresnan connection and you can’t get to a certain website.
BILL: Yes.
ME: I need to understand the logic you used to decide to call me.
BILL: You provide our internet.
ME: At your office, not at your home.
BILL: But I access this AT my office.
ME: But you said you’re at home.
BILL: So?
ME: So you’re not AT your office.
BILL: What difference does that make?
ME: Okay, now I KNOW this is a crank call!
BILL: It’s not!
ME: No. No one is THAT dumb.
BILL: What?!
ME: No one would be so stupid ask “What difference does that make.”
BILL: I don’t understand.
ME: Goodbye, whoever you are.
CLICK

Only it wasn’t a crank call (but I knew that already) and Bill called back. This time, he wasn’t quite so deliberately obtuse and I was able to get him in to understand that we have nothing to do with the website he can’t get to. Still, I hope Bill gets hit by a bus and lives long enough to taste his own blood.

I just hope that moron isn’t my last call for the year.

In other news, we’re going to Johny Corinos tonight for dinner. Normally, I eschew chain outfits because they sell… well, chain food. We’ve been there a number of times and the service has been hit or miss, but the food had been consistently good. Tonight however, it’s for all the marbles! Will they get a good write up? Will they get embargoed? Tune in Monday to find out!

In what I’m sure will be a big morale payoff, the bosses decided to cut us loose a couple hours early. One Hand Salute to each. Since Jen was filling in for our regular boss, she gets it. Simply print it out and present it to your server at any participating IHOP or Perkins restaurants.

In other news, more political manuring (no, that’s the word I wanted) in Washington over the attempt by the guy I’m calling the “Crotchfire Bomber.” Apparently, republicans are making hay over the series of failures that resulting in a guy who’s on all kinds of “Watch Lists” being aboard a flight bound for Detroit with his skivvies packed full of flammable if not explosive powder.

Well, well… Let’s see here… Who appointed the head of the CIA? The NSA? The FBI? DHS? How about TSA? Who runs that outfit? Hmmmm? I’m thinking of a word here, an 11-letter word that means: “subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.”

Yes, of course we can always count on the good captain. Thank you, sir.

These political appointees serve in critical positions. These aren’t jobs to be handed out as payback for support. These positions require serious, I would venture to say, grim people. We face an enemy unlike any before in our nation’s history and it’s gonna take smart, hard (not clever) people to deal with it. It’s dumb luck this asshat didn’t blow up that plane full of people and luck is far too random a thing to trust to political toadies.

So the republicans are pointing the fingers and saying “See! You can’t be trusted!” The democrats are pointing the fingers and saying “You’re just politicizing a bad situation!”

Come now. Here was a chance for the White House and its party to step up to the plate and say “Yep, it’s busted. It’s busted on our watch and by gum we’re gonna fix it.” If they did that (instead of blaming Bush again) they could have come across as something other than whining pantywaist. Instead, I come away feeling like my genuine concerns are just so much tea-bagger noise.

Plainly put, we’re at war and to quote one of our nation’s best warriors: “There is only one tactical principle which is not subject to change. It is to use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wound, death, and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time.” — General George S. Patton.

And there you have it. Our last blog for 2009. On behalf of everyone who brings you The Liquor Talking, we wish you a safe and prosperous new year. May you get everything you want and want everything you get.