The Liquor Talking

Yeah, I know they’re not due until April, but I’m already getting pissed off about it. Last year’s was a near-perfect exercise in futility in that there was zero potential for pay raises/bonuses. This year it’s even more special in that not only will there be no raises or bonuses, we actually got our pay cut.

Questions like:
“Provide comments and/or examples of how you demonstrate the company’s Core Values:

RESPECT:
INTEGRITY:
EXCELLENCE:
COMMUNICATION:
PROFITABILITY: ”

Last year, I answered all the questions with excerpts from my favorite songs.

RESPECT: Here come old flattop, he come groovin’ up slowly.

My boss made me redo it of course. This year however, I have an even greater feeling of pointlessness (and contempt) where this form is concerned. I think I’ll answer all the questions this year with some of my favorite movie quotes:

RESPECT: ”Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!”
INTEGRITY: ”Well Lone Wadi, you can take your horned toad down Mexico way.”
EXCELLENCE: ”You can tell him to his face, you can make him eat sand out of the road, you can shoot him in the foot and I’ll hold him for you, but first you got to catch him.”
COMMUNICATION: ”She wants you to leave because you’re ruining everyone’s lives and eating all her steak!”
PROFITABILITY: “No, man, no. God no! A fella’d probably get his ass kicked for saying something like that.”

I mean that’s easier than coming up with crap that sounds like I actually give a hoot about any of that garbage. Look, it’s real, real simple. Our core values need to be plain and simple: Make money, satisfy customers and have fun. If it’s not one of those three things, then we shouldn’t be spending a lot of time or energy on it. Who comes up with garbage like that?

RESPECT:
INTEGRITY:
EXCELLENCE:
COMMUNICATION:
PROFITABILITY:

I know what it is; the further one moves away from the customer, the more complicated they think things need to be.

Whatever the case, this year’s employee eval will set a whole new benchmark in “I Don’t Care” because with no raise, no bonus and heck, not even a target date to get us back the 2.5% we lost, I don’t see much point in casting pearls before swine.

No, my boss isn’t swine. But I’d bet the ranch that she’d rather be doing just about anything rather than evals. To me, it’s a pointless endeavor, even in the best of times. My boss knows how I’m doing. What business is it of some corporate drone? This is just HR trying to justify having a huge, honking empire within the Unimatrix.

Geeze, but how I have no time for HR people.

Okay, I don’t get this. It seems some douchebag software engineer had a beef with the IRS and flew an airplane into one of their office buildings. Other than the idiot himself, there are no reports of deaths or serious injury.

I’d love to ask the guy what (other than roasting himself) he intended to accomplish with this. Unless the IRS person he had a beef with was in that building, why dick with those people? Chances are, he had a beef with one, maybe two or three people. So the other 150 or so people that worked there (including the ones that weren’t IRS employees) get inconvenienced for a while.

I think we need to leave the terrorism to the Islamics; they seem to be a lot better at it than we are.

In other news, Montana’s governor has signed an agreement with the Canadian Premier designed to foster our dependence on foreign energy. The agreement forbids drilling and further mining development for some 9,000 square miles that straddle the US, Canadian border. So, we’ll have lots of pretty scenery to look at, while energy prices stay pretty much the same or go up.

And with that, we’re clear. Friday tomorrow! We get whiskey on Fridays.

At least we should.